Weight To Believe

I don't know if I've written about this yet but I've been experiencing some mild to sever GI distress over the last 4-6 weeks. 'Nuf said. At any rate I finally decided to see my physician about it, but while I was in the office I took the opportunity to weigh myself on their scale - just for grins and giggles. 314 lbs. I was fully clothed, carrying my wallet, keys, and wearing boots not to mention it was late in the day. Somehow I don't think all that weights 8 lbs - 4 perhaps but certainly not 8.

Also that day I weighted myself at home early in the morning wearing nothing but a smile - 299 lbs. WHAT! Wait, that can't be right. Off and on for a couple of minutes and it really only varied by 1 lb, call it 299.5 lbs. I could not have lost 6 lbs in 1 week. No way, no how (have I mentioned I hate my home scale?).

This AM I weighed myself again - 304.5 lbs which is closer to reality for my home scale. So I guess I'll go with what got me here - using my home scale. And while I'm sure that my clothing and on-person paraphernalia add a few pounds and that I gain some weight during the day, I'm not prepared to believe that it's in the 8-10 lbs range.

Have I really lost weight? My physician's nurse noticed the weight loss and asked me about it, but I already knew I looked different. The real question is how much. At a minimum I've lost 24.5 lbs since I've been able so see my weight on my home scale. I had to loose some to get there however. The last "official" weight I had was 351 lbs on the Dr's scale. That's the upper bound. At 314 lbs on the office scale I've lost 37 lbs - nothing to sneeze at but not the 46.5 lbs that I believe I've lost according to the 351 upper bound and my current home scale reading of 304.5. There's a difference of 9.5 lbs somewhere (did I mention I hate my home scale).

My long term goal is to loose 100 lbs. I feel I'm close to 1/2 way according to my home scale but I can't account for the nearly 10 lbs I saw the other day on my Dr's scale. Even if I'm a little further away from the 1/2 way point I still feel good about where I'm at, what I've accomplished and how the process is going.

It's all good!

Calorie Sampling

Breakfast - 209 calories

• Fruit Smoothie - 200 calories (3 oz each of blueberries, strawberries, berry mix, 1/2 banana, and 4 fl oz each of light soy milk, V8 fusion light)
• Green Tea - 4 calories (16 oz loose leaf brewed in tap water)
• Psyllium Husk Fiber Supplement - 5 calories (1 tsp in 8 oz of tap water)
• Vitamin/Mineral Supplement - 0

Lunch - 565 calories

• 2 cups spring mix greens - 10 calories
• 1 cup baby arugula - 10 calories
• 1 red pear - 100 calories
• 1 orange - 69 calories 
• 1 avocado - 276 calories
• 2 tbsp Key Lime-Dijon Vinaigrette dressing - 100 calories

Total - 774 calories

Weight Honesty

To be honest I think I was more passionate about the weigh issue when I couldn't see my weight on the scale. Since then I've been doing nothing but (*gasp*) loosing weight every week. To be fair I've not been entirely honest about my progress. I did start out writing what I weighed every week and to be fair to myself there isn't a weigh there that wasn't on the scale. My fudging has actually been on the under-reporting side - ya, I actually tend to weigh a little less than what I've been saying on a weekly basis.

My "reasoning", if you can call it that, was so I could "feel" I made weight loss progress even if I didn't for a given week. Turns out so far I haven't needed that under-padding. Every week I've lost about 1-2 lbs but now there's a large gap - like 5.5 lbs worth that will be hard to report on. Better just own up to whatever the scale says instead of fudging a higher weight - sounds silly.

In that spirit the scale said 306.5 lbs this morning. I don't believe that's actually correct since it's also said 308 but repeated weighting kept saying 306.5 so I guess I'll have to go with that. Hopefully I won't find out the scale lied to me and I'm actually 308 and change. I hate and am afraid not to loose something per week. I don't want to plateau and have to debug what's going on.

So, we're nearly at 45 lbs. lost and I'm really proud of myself for that. I may need to get a new belt soon, not to mention more new pants, since I'm also closing in on 4 inches off my waste line. I stared out as a snug 46 and am now a loose 44. I have a pair of old corduroys size 42 that I want to be able to comfortably slip on. They are really out of style but it's a clothing goal.

Old Clothes, New Feelings

Reaching in the back of the closet the other morning I discovered a pile of my clothes that I had not seen in ages. Evidently my wife put some "too small" pants and a few "too narrow" shirts away for safe keeping as I moved up the scale. For kicks I decided to give them a whirl and found that a couple of the pants and most of the shirts were now wearable, although horribly out of style. It made me feel really good that I'm making progress despite the fact that they are headed to the textile recycling bin at the dump next week.

Also as I look at myself in the mirror I see that my face is no longer as round as it was, but square to angular. I recognize the eyes looking back at me, but the face seems strange. There are other parts of my upper anatomy that look strangely new to me as well; my neck, shoulder muscles, arms and hand are showing definition (and age) that was hidden. It makes me wonder about the body that will emerge over time. I'm not going as far as the butterfly in the cocoon but that's the image that pops in to my head.

All this is getting me paranoid that I'll hit some plateau and not loose any more weigh, give up and regain it all. That's my greatest fear at this point. Still at 312 lbs. this week - 39 lbs total in just 4+ months! - I would be happy to maintain this status for a time. I don't want to sound satisfied but I am happy/ecstatic with my progress. Never the less I want to hit that next milestone of 299! It feels close and reachable now.

I feel as if I've crossed some threshold on the way down that I can loose as much as I want by managing how much and what I eat, and feel that I can manage it. I feel good about the food I'm putting in me, even as I feel I can eat less of it. It feels somewhat like when I kicked smoking - a feeling that I could manage it from here on out. I don't feel as "attached" to food as I used to be. Its there to nourish, provide some "spice" to life, a setting to enjoy with others but not something I'm focused on as I once was. It's a much better feeling!

Moving On Down

After a week at my moms and a bout with what appears to be an intestinal virus, I'm somewhere between 314 and 316 lbs - I hate my bathroom scale! We'll call it 316 lbs and be done with it. I'm quite sure having the intestinal virus helped with the weigh loss since I ate more than I needed to on vacation - Krystal's (only 4 during the entire trip though) and Red Pig BBQ (I can never resist).

Still, I was able to stay away from McDonald's while on the road and when we ate out at Fatz. I had fish, rice and veggies instead of beef and potatoes. I mostly stuck to my breakfast smoothie and salads for lunch. Dinner was almost like being at home - fish, pasta, chicken, etc. I think I only had beef one night (well except for the Krystal's). I made sausage gravy and biscuits for breakfast for mom and I a couple of mornings. For snacking in the car I took Kashi granola bars, watter, and redskin peanuts. All in all not too bad - I didn't gain any and ended up loosing 2.5 lbs since my last weigh-in.

So at 316 lbs - 35 total pounds lost - I'm ready for my next goal - 299 lbs. That would put me 52 lbs down. Looking back I see that it's taken me a bit longer than a month to loose 10 lbs. Perhaps I can hit 299 by July 4th (sooner would be better!)

Close Enough to Taste It

This week finds me at 318.5 lbs. If I were not visiting my mother next week, I would think that the next goal was within reach. Alas, my mother always goes out of her way to feed me well while I'm there, but she also has plenty for me to do - help in the garden, with the lawn, the odd chores around the house, etc.

On the bright side, I let her know that I've lost 30 lbs so we've been talking about "AB's lists". Perhaps that'll help with the food intake. That and I got her a IngenuiTea tea pot with a green tea sampler for her birthday. I do have ulterior gift giving motives at times - I didn't want to have to take mine with me.

There's another factor at play here - I'm driving down with my wife and son. Long Drives = Snack Food. It's 18+ hours from where I live here in the north east to where she is in the south. I'm planning on making a healthy dinner to eat on the road for Friday evening as we leave but that leaves all day Saturday to fight the snacking urge. Nothing to do but drive and snack. Besides the obvious choice of nuts and granola bars, what else can I find to snack on? I also dread the "fast food" for lunch (and maybe breakfast). All in all I'll need to do some advance planning for Saturday not to mention the return trip home.

My goal is to maintain the weight I have and not get sucked into having high sugar snacks, fast food, cookies and pies, which is what usually happens when I visit Mom - she's a great cook!

Calorie Sampling

Breakfast - 209 calories

• Fruit Smoothie - 200 calories (3 oz each of blueberries, strawberries, berry mix, 1/2 banana, and 4 fl oz each of light soy milk, V8 fusion light)
• Green Tea - 4 calories (16 oz loose leaf brewed in tap water)
• Psyllium Husk Fiber Supplement - 5 calories (1 tsp in 8 oz of tap water)
• Vitamin/Mineral Supplement - 0

Morning Snack - 140 calories

• Kashi Trail Mix granola bar - 140 calories (1 bar)

Lunch - 457 calories

• 2 cups spring mix greens - 10 calories
• 1 cup baby arugula - 10 calories
• 1 kiwi - 25 calories
• 2 clementines - 46 calories 
• 1 avocado - 276
• 2 tbsp balsamic dressing - 90 calories

Dinner - 458 calories

• Steelhead Trout w/butter and wine - 215 calories
• orange glazed carrots -  199
• 1/4 cup couscous - 44

Evening Snack - 170 calories

• redskin peanuts - 170 calories

Total - 1434 calories