Old Clothes, New Feelings

Reaching in the back of the closet the other morning I discovered a pile of my clothes that I had not seen in ages. Evidently my wife put some "too small" pants and a few "too narrow" shirts away for safe keeping as I moved up the scale. For kicks I decided to give them a whirl and found that a couple of the pants and most of the shirts were now wearable, although horribly out of style. It made me feel really good that I'm making progress despite the fact that they are headed to the textile recycling bin at the dump next week.

Also as I look at myself in the mirror I see that my face is no longer as round as it was, but square to angular. I recognize the eyes looking back at me, but the face seems strange. There are other parts of my upper anatomy that look strangely new to me as well; my neck, shoulder muscles, arms and hand are showing definition (and age) that was hidden. It makes me wonder about the body that will emerge over time. I'm not going as far as the butterfly in the cocoon but that's the image that pops in to my head.

All this is getting me paranoid that I'll hit some plateau and not loose any more weigh, give up and regain it all. That's my greatest fear at this point. Still at 312 lbs. this week - 39 lbs total in just 4+ months! - I would be happy to maintain this status for a time. I don't want to sound satisfied but I am happy/ecstatic with my progress. Never the less I want to hit that next milestone of 299! It feels close and reachable now.

I feel as if I've crossed some threshold on the way down that I can loose as much as I want by managing how much and what I eat, and feel that I can manage it. I feel good about the food I'm putting in me, even as I feel I can eat less of it. It feels somewhat like when I kicked smoking - a feeling that I could manage it from here on out. I don't feel as "attached" to food as I used to be. Its there to nourish, provide some "spice" to life, a setting to enjoy with others but not something I'm focused on as I once was. It's a much better feeling!