Getting Hungry

I've learned a few things lately that I'd like to put down so I don't forget:

• At best, I can sustain about 4 months of the same weight loss activity/diet/program. After that, I give up and I can't get motivated to continue with the same activity
• Eating when hungry assumes that one knows what hunger actually feels like
• Exercising and eating more doesn't help with weight loss
• Weight gain may be the hardest habit I've tried to break - I've always though it was smoking

I'm sure there are more pearls I've learned over the summer but those are the ones that come to mind. I've managed to get away from my 10,000 steps a day, my food log, calorie counting and all the other activities I've been trying to do in order to keep the pounds at bay. As a result I'm sure I've gained back whatever progress I made (if I made any at all - I'm still on "E").

In reviewing my initial posts from when I started this last round of weigh loss I see I had an initial focus - understand hunger. Somewhere along the way I seem to have gotten off track amid the technique/activity distractions. All that activity (walking, counting, logging, etc) didn't help me understand why I eat what and when I do. If weigh fluctuation is a factor of calorie intake and exercise, then it stands to reason that understanding why I eat and in response to what makes the most sense. After all, limiting what I eat in the extreme (i.e. fasting) with no activity will result in weight loss - although that's not the most attractive way to go about it.

With that in mind I returned to a book I purchased on emotional eating. Since I never actually finished reading it, I decided to start over. In my (re)reading, it's obvious that I didn't take the critical step of understanding my (*gasp*) hunger. Right there in the first chapter is an entire discussion on why we eat when we do and what drives it.

Turns out that I eat because I'm board, restless, wanting a break from what I'm doing, socializing, and many other reasons that I've not discovered yet. At some point I guess I eat because I'm physically hungry, but I don't know that I have a good idea of what that feels like mentally and physiologically.

So, in the nature of experimenting, I'll find out what hunger feels like by not eating until I reach a point of physical uncomfortableness. Let my mind scream at me, but I'll eat only when I get, well hungry.

Even When You Don't Feel Like It

I haven't written much lately other than food logs. I've been kinda down in the dumps wondering when I'll be able to see myself (my weigh rather) on the scale. My scale only shows up to 339 lbs. I've got to loose about 10 lbs before it'll show up. I'm awaiting that moment as I try to put on this new process. I've had my successes and slides (it's not failure, it is what it is) but I feel as if I am making progress despite what the scale doesn't say.

I've not been eating breakfast because frankly I'm not a breakfast person. If I'm going to be honest about my eating, I'm just not able to eat much in the morning. However, I do know that a little breakfast is a good thing so I'll wait until I get to a stage 3 or 4 hunger level (where I start to get a little queasy) before attempting to eat and then regardless of time, eat what I feel like eating - today (well yesterday actually but I couldn't find it) was lemon yogurt. I purchased a few more in case I wanted them later in the week.

And walking - I was doing really good there for a while, then we had rain and I got out of the habit. Last night I didn't really feel like walking but I did it anyway and felt the better for it. It's 50 minutes and the exercise is good for me given that I sit most of the day.

On my reading, I'm up to the part about being full and what that feels like. Similar to the hungry angle, it's an experiment to figure out what being full feels like and then what to do about it. The reading also talks about eating just for the heck of it. It's not wrong, just realize that your doing it and perhaps why. I haven't felt successful with the Hummer vs Beckoner aspect. There's too fine a line for me there. Being hungry and full is more directly measurable for me so I'll continue to do that and start rating my fullness before and after meals trying to find that sweet spot (so to speak) where I feel the need to start eating and then stop without overeating.

Binging

From the last several food logs I can see (and perhaps feel) myself building up to an eating binge. My body's wanting something sweet. I've been dreaming about Resee's Peanut Butter Cups - the mini ones.

Interestingly enough, I'm at a point in the book I'm reading where there's a discussion on eating what your body tells you to eat vs. denying it. According to the book, the denial aspect is a root cause of binging. So along with understanding hunger is what to eat when you are hungry.

My "diet" has been to try and make healthy choices when hungry. The book's suggesting that when you are hungry, eat what your body wants. Failure to do so does two things in their opinion:

• even though you're now full, you're body's still demanding what it wanted
• you'll eat it eventually even if you are full

In some examples the book gave, people ate ice cream instead of salad for a meal, even going to the point of putting away a prepared meal in order to eat what the body desired.

The key in all of this from my vantage point is not simply to eat what you want whenever, but that by feeding the body what it's hungry for when it's hungry (and not just what's convenient) you don't develop diet killing binges. In effect, there are no forbidden foods in loosing weight.

The idea of forbidden foods is a key point in diets from my vantage point. Every diet I've ever tried says in effect: "these are OK, those are not". Naturally I always want what I can't have - high fat meals, sweets, high-carb bread, etc. and in the end that's my downfall - eating the forbidden fruit as it were.

One suggestion was to record what's eaten as either a hummer or a beckoner. A Hummer is an extremely satisfying food that you crave even when you don’t see the food. Nothing will satisfy you besides that food. A Beckoner is something eaten only because it is there and not because it satisfies. You'll eat lots of beckoner while in search of a hummer.

Last night I was grumpy when I came home. I didn't want to cook dinner, which is unusual since I like to cook. I ended up snacking though the meal prep and then after dinner and on into the evening. I think my mood and my food grazing was because what I really wanted was peanut butter w/cold milk and not pork chops w/potatoes and gravy. I did eat the peanut butter but late in the evening before I went to bed. Consequently this AM I feel sluggish, full, etc.

I'll have to do some serious thinking about hummers and beckoners and separating one from the other. Also, how do hummers and beckoners work with family meal planning?

Playing with Hunger

I read a little more in Breaking Free from Emotional Eating on hunger. Turns out I wasn't far off. You can't really say exactly what it feels like for a person to be hungry. It's something each person has to experience for themselves. Likewise for fullness. Everyone is going to feel different things when they are hungry or full.

Her suggestion was to rate the hunger/fullness experience when you decide to eat. When you decide it's time to consume, figure out on a scale of 1-10 how hungry/full you are and keep that along side the food log. While I had a hard time understanding her hunger rating system (1 being most hungry, 10 being least), I did buy into the concept. I decided a 1 to 10 rating based on fullness fit my mental model better. I know what it feels like to be stuffed and uncomfortablly full, i.e. a "10". I don't know that it makes much difference how the ratings expressed. So going forward my food logs will have a "fullness" factor, 10 being most full.

The author also suggested experimenting with hunger. What happens if you feel really hungry and don't eat? What feelings arise both mentally and physiologically? She describes her body feeling queasy and getting headaches when she's most hungry. I don't know that I've ever experienced that level although I do get a touch queasy when I believe myself to be more hungry than usual along with that pinched sensation. My guess is that I typically eat when I'm about a 5 on the fullness scale.

On Being Hungry

Last night I started reading Breaking Free from Emotional Eating and although I didn't get too deep into it (I was tired and fell asleep) one of my first take always was this: eat when you are hungry. The assumption behind that statement is that we eat when we're not hungry primary out of habit or of something mascaraing as hunger, e.g. depressions, boredom, schedule.

Perhaps it's explained later but my first thought was what's it supposed to feel like to be hungry? Is it this pinching feeling in my GI track that I've described? Is it when my stomach growls? Is it when my head says it's time to eat? My immediate next thought was what is being full supposed to feel like? I know what I feel like when I'm over full, but what's that stoppage point feel like?

Those are some really basic questions that get to the heart of eating and stopping the eating process. It's one thing to know what can help trigger and stop the hunger in terms of hormones and higher order processes, but if I'm to eat when hungry and stop when full it'll have to be based on body feelings that I'm not paying attention to right now.

Some other items she mentioned doing I'm doing in this blog: keeping a food log with dates and times. She suggested adding a hunger level along with that and writing down feelings and observations. Honesty in reporting is important also. I have to be honest with myself and others about what I'm doing with my eating.

The book had great reviews, which had a lot to do with why I purchased it. I'm interested in reading more.