Back in the Saddle

A little more than a week later and I'm at 328.5 lbs. My intent is not to start logging my weight per week, but reflect a bit on what happened over the intervening 8 days. It certainly was a lesson on my lifestyle changes and also of a willingness to keep at it.

The "seeing myself" mark gave me a great feeling of euphoria - it was a goal I had been after for a year. I felt so good in fact that I rewarded myself with some of those Girl Scout cookies that were still hanging around. In fact I ate a lot of them - binged I did.

Add to it that there were some rather emotional events going on within the family and familiar comfort food (and lots of it) became an emotional outlet. By Saturday I really started to feel the additional consumption but didn't want to stop the process. Funny enough, my body wouldn't let me continue down that path.

On the weekends I usually don't have my breakfast smoothie yet by Saturday night, that's exactly what I wanted for breakfast on Sunday. No eggs, not bacon or sausage but my fruit smoothie - a new comfort food? Perhaps but what does it say about the power of change when the craving isn't for the old familiar comfort foods but the new one? I didn't resist the urge since I knew it was right. Sunday AM I had my new familiar breakfast and was able to better control my eating binges. By Monday I was back in the groove again and starting to add my evening hour walks again, as the New England weather permits.

Loosing 1.5 lbs over the course of 8 days won't set the world on fire but it's progress and good progress at that. Overcoming emotional eating with new comfort food is comforting indeed.

Seeing Myself

I've arrived at a point in the journey that I've been after for nearly a year now. My first post was on March 22, 2009. At that point I weighed 351 lbs. Since then I've read, researched, walked, gone without food, counted calories, logged what I eat, given up, started over and more. Through all of that I've had a single initial objective - I wanted to see my weight on my home scale.

There have been a number of "almost" moments, only to discover that my heals or toes or sides of my feet were off the scale. As a result I've taken to weighing myself 3 or 4 times in a row just to check that I'm not getting a false reading. I've tried to limit my weight check to once or twice per week so I don't get to fixated on it. 

For nearly a year the scale has said "E" - too much weight. Well today is said 330, 329, 330, 330, 329. No matter how I stood or where I put the scale it never said "E"! I have to tell you that I smiled and despite the rough day at work, I kept on smiling! I'd finally hit my initial objective - I see myself, as I am and can measure change. 

Now, I have no idea where I was weight-wise when I restarted this time, but I know where I was when I first started and that was 351 lbs. I'm at 330 now - so put me down for 21 pounds.

I need another objective now, besides just staying below 330. I'm not sure what it'll be yet - I'm still thinking about it. I want it to be achievable but far enough out there that it'll be challenging to get to. My initial thoughts are:

• 309, basically another 21 lbs (would be a good theme, another 21)
• 300, a nice "round" number
• some non-weight target, like see how far I can get in 6 weeks (probably too much pressure)
• below 317 - the lowest weight I've been at in the last 3-4 years (I'm liking this one).

The below 317 is interesting - it's personal, has no time limit and since I can now track weight gain/loss I can see how long it takes to get there. Humm..

I do want to remind myself of a few things:

• I'm still eating what I enjoy/like, just less of it (hot dogs, tacos, burgers, meat loaf)
• I've changed a lot at once - quantity, timing of types (1 meat, 1 pasta, etc)
• I'm eating some new things - sardines/fish, avocados, green tea
• I'm eating healthy things - lots more fruits and veggies
• I'm conscious about my sugar intake - sweets are limited, but still enjoyable (and home made)
• My alcohol consumption is way down.

This is the path that I've wanted - better diet but I can still eat the things I like, e.g. hot dogs, pizza, meat loaf, etc. I just don't eat them all in the same week and week after week. I'm eating them spread out over time. I see my biggest change as eating less red meat - 1 time per week as a main dish. And now that it's getting warmer, it's time to start walking again.

Calorie Sampling

Breakfast - 259 calories

• Fruit Smoothie - 250 calories (3 oz each of blueberries, strawberries, berry mix, 1/2 banana, and 4 fl oz each of light soy milk, V8 fusion)
• Green Tea - 4 calories (16 oz loose leaf brewed in tap water)
• Flax seed Fiber Supplement - 5 calories (1 tsp in 8 oz of tap water) 
• Vitamin/Mineral Supplement - 0

Snack - 140 calories

• Kashi Honey Almond Flax Granola Bar - 140 calories

Lunch - 457 calories

• Salad - 457 calories (2 cups Romain lettuce, 1/3 cup each of cucumbers, carrots, croutons, grape tomatoes, scallions, 1 whole avocado, 2 tbsp balsamic vinaigrette dressing)

Dinner - 1115

• Flax seed Fiber Supplement - 5 calories (1 tsp in 8 oz of tap water) 
• Stir Fry ~ 500 calories (vegatables in oyster sauce,  6 pcs of fried extra firm tofu )
• Rice ~ 350 calories (long grain cooked in chicken broth w/green onions and garlic)
• Egg Roll - 260 calories (2 total)

Snack - 4

• Green Tea - 4 calories (16 oz loose leaf brewed in tap water)

Daily Total: 1975 calories, give or take, but certainly less than 2500!! That's a win in my book.

My original salad included almonds and a honey-lime vinaigrette dressing. With everything else the same that came in at a whopping 778 calories. By substituting tomatoes for almonds and going to a balsamic dressing, I saved 321 calories. I added in the Kashi bar since it helps with my "daily list" (nuts and whole grains) and still came out ahead by 181 calories!

Originally I made the stir fry with tofu (my first time) and after about 6 pcs I gave up. Texture was all wrong for me. I probably cooked it wrong but chicken, shrimp or even plain veggies would be better than the draining hassle coupled with learning the cooking technique. ICK!

I'm glad I'm not doing this every day, but occasionally will help me understand where I can cut and where I can eat more.

At this point in the day I'm still full and not really hungry for anything. Time to make tomorrow's smoothie!

Progress, but..

I'm doing reasonably well with keeping to the 4 lists. I'm doing very good on the "don't eat" and "once per week" lists, and a little better on the "at least 3x" since I've incorporated avocados. The "every day" I'm still not 100% on. Still I and others (mainly my spouse) have noticed some differences:

• I definitely have more energy
• My pants and shirts are not as binding as they used to be. In fact I've had to move down a notch on my belt to keep my pants on
• My midsection doesn't protrude as much as it used to
• Bending over at the waist to pick items up from the floor isn't as difficult
• Tying my shoes can be done without having to strain

I try to reflect on those when I feel there's not enough progress being made, a state that I find myself in right now. I'd really like to be able to see what my weight is on my home scale, but it still registers "E" despite all the above being true. I could just get one that will register at least 350 and be done with it but it would be nice to know I've crossed that threshold. I feel I'm close - perhaps within 5 or 6 pounds. 

I know I'm eating less and eating better foods but one thing I don't know is what my caloric intake is on a daily basis. I'm not really interested in keeping track every day but once a week or once every other week would give me a good indicator of what I'm consuming. I believe I'm consuming somewhere between 2000 and 2500 calories per day but without counting I'll never know.

Today will be a counting day.

How Long Can I Resist

It's Girl Scout cookie time, again and I've got 5 boxes staring at me from the top of my book shelf here at work. I purchased them before I started on this new eating habit routine and I'm reluctant to break any of them open for fear that I'll consume all 5 boxes, or at least all of the Thin Mints.

Couple of options:

• Give them away (daughter, son who don't seem to gain weight)
• Make a dessert out of them and share it
• eat them slowly - don't think I can do this
• eat at least some of each of them - more likely but I'll need to control my access to them

I'm liking the dessert option - perhaps using the thin mints as a crust.

New Experience

Monday to Friday I eat lunch pretty much on schedule - sometime between 12 - 1:30 PM. I'm usually hungry at that point, even when I wasn't on a eating plan/system. It's rarely the case that I don't finish what ever I've brought or purchased.

Today I tossed out better than half the salad I got for lunch. After eating on it for 20 or so minutes (and adding the sardines into it) I didn't really want any more. I can't recall the last time I tossed out part of my lunch. Certainly not earth shattering but new for me.

For a while I considered pushing through and eating it all but decided that I'd just give up on it. I'm not certain if I've just had one too many salads with fish over the last several weeks or was truly full. I think it's more the later since I'm not ravenously hungry at the moment. I did have a Kashi bar at 12 during a meeting since I didn't want to get to the point of being really hungry at lunch. Perhaps that had something to do with it.

Emerging Pattern

After being on this "4 list" idea for a few weeks I've started to settle into a new pattern.

• breakfast smoothie (up to 10 oz of fruit) w/a multi-vitamin
• 8-10 oz of water with 1 tsp flax seed fiber added
• green tea - 16 oz
• usually salad for lunch (2 cups lettuce, w/onions, carrots, cucumbers, tomatos, almonds)
• 3x/week add sardines in salad
• sometime left over home-made soup
• 1 Kashi Honey Almond Flax granola bar either right after lunch or around 3ish
• 8-10 oz of water with 1 tsp flax seed fiber added while preparing dinner - some cocktail
• Dinner - more on that below, trying to stay to 1.5-2 helpings of whatever we're having
• green tea - 16 oz, right after dinner or around 9 PM
• snack around 10 PM or so - either almonds or low-fat, no sugar added yogurt.

I'm doing pretty well on the "eat every day" list with the exception of carrots. If I don't eat a salad I usually don't eat carrots. Occasionally I'll make them with dinner. On the 3x per week list I'm really struggling with broccoli, sweet potatoes and avocados. I may have to try including broccoli in a salad, same with avocados and I'm just not into sweet potatoes. I'll probably look into comparable super food substitutes.

I think I'm most proud of staying away from the "never eat" list. I've had no soda for nearly 3 weeks. I've had only 1 meal containing pre-processed food - some frozen boneless buffalo wing-lets that I warmed, ran through the food processor and made a passable chicken salad sandwich out of. Interesting idea, didn't live up taste-wise. No canned soup, no "diet" anything and no fast food!

I use the no more than 1x per week as my dinner guide. Each week I plan 1 red meat centered meal, 1 pasta centered meal, and at least 1 vegetarian and 1 chicken meal. I have enough on hand to make salads for lunch on the weekends and perhaps a small cheese pizza.

Desserts, well there was that spice cake that I had on 2 successive days, as well as the butterscotch pie, but that's pretty good! But I only prepare 1 dessert for the week and after a couple of days take what remains out of the house - sent it with my wife to where she works. Alcohol - this is were I figured I have the most problems. I love to have a couple of drinks on Friday and Saturday - sometimes more than a couple. So far I've been able to have a single (albit large) Scotch and soda on Friday and sometimes a single beer on Saturday. I don't know that I can get down to 1/week, but that I'm down to 2 for a number of weeks in a row is a good thing.

.. and I'm eating breakfast every day! Monday-Friday it's the smoothie. Weekend I play fry cook - eggs or pancakes/waffles, with a side of either hash browns, sausage or bacon. Occasionally I'll make biscuits and saw mill gravy. Mind you I'm watching the portions but after drinking my breakfast Monday-Friday I look forward to a fry cook breakfast.

I feel better. I can tell I've lost a little around the middle - may be just water wait but who cares. I have more energy and I feel good about what I'm putting in my system . I'm reading the sugar content of things and am more aware of how the sugar cycle effects my eating. I get discouraged at times that I'm not making faster progress but that I'm making a little progress - whether in keeping to the list or in bodily changes -  is keeping me going right now. I really want this to work!